1. Söder Chess results leaked!

    By Petter Eek, 13th December 2010

    Shocking details regarding the Södermalm chess competition have been made public through Wikileaks. Wikileaks’ founder Julian Assange was unavailable for comment, but this latest release is believed to be consistent with the company’s mission statement – providing free public access to previously restricted material.

    A round-robin mini-tournament saw Joel and Brissles selected as pool A’s semifinalists, with Lars and Perezmo the best from pool B. Australian cricket captain Ricky Ponting viewed proceedings from the VIP box, and said it made a nice change to watch a sporting contest in which both participants had similar ability levels: “even when Lars and Perezmo fell behind, they were always still in the game. They didn’t stand around for days hoping it would rain so they could call the match a draw.” Despite this tenacity, both lost. As a result, Joel and Brissles were left to face off in their second consecutive chess final.

    Brissles then beat Joel to emerge as Söder’s chess champion for the second consecutive year. Despite losing to Joel earlier in the night, Brissles implemented/pursued an extremely aggressive strategy. His victory came quickly, courtesy of a rampant pawn.

    Brissles’ expertise was later revealed to stem from a period of tutelage under a mysterious Austrian chess guru. His current mastery of the game was built by an intensive schedule of yoga, meditation, and an organic whole-grain diet. The master craftsman who hand-made Murph’s chess board is believed to have undertaken a similarly rigourous course in carpentry.

    Aside from the semi-finalists, notable performers on the night included Andre, Paul, Jordo and Ivan. They all played well in patches but were undone by their inconsistency. A small minority (whose names have been purged from this document by Julian Assange himself) had limited success. They were admirably consistent, however, unlike Andre, Paul et al.

    Chess legend Gary Kasparov held a press conference immediately following the tournament to offer his views on the proceedings: “I’m retired now, but I like to keep an eye on modern chess’s latest trends. Everyone says Jordo’s basement is an incubator for future superstars, so I came to see what all the fuss is about. I haven’t been disappointed.” The New York Times’ chess columnist was similarly enthused: “d3 Bb4+ (!) Nc3 Nf6. That was an amazing move by Sea Bass!”

    Thanks must go to Jordo for hosting the event, Ivan for providing glögg, julmust and pepparkakor, Dave for getting chips, and everyone who came – apparently it was chess night’s highest turnout ever!

    We now look forward to the clubs Next Event, The Söder Bowling Championship. The “SBC” will take place early next year After the Club AGM. The big question that is being asked is Will the 2 current ten pin champions, S.Austin and J.briscoe front up to defend their title?? As they are both now proud fathers to new borns. Is that a co-incident??? Stay tuned for more on the “”SBC”” from the club board.

    Until then, the club wishes you all a Merry Christmas and Happy new year!

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