1. The Soder Rub Match Report- Game 2 vs Village Idiots

    By Blue Baller, 16th June 2021

    Let me start with the crowd who turned up in their droves to witness what was billed Australia vs Tesdorf’s bunch of #$@%. 

    The crowd, led by a freshly returned Kungen who had recently broken Murph’s self gratification record whilst in quarantine and Big Blue who had last been seen at the Soder chess comp sitting on a couch sinking home brew and heckling what he called “the fucking losers playing chess”

    In fact, there was a rumor that Big Blue was going to make a surprise appearance for the Soder 8 with a late call up, but after seeing him bowl his first ball in the nets, which hit the left hand side of the net half way along and half way up, we decided he would be more use sitting on the pine and continuing to sink piss.

    Nick Law to no one’s surprise also turned up after it was announced the club would be putting on free piss, however upon his arrival it was clearly evident he had invited himself to several graduations along the way and had partaken in much free piss drinking already.

    For the first time this series Bruffy managed to arrive with the kit, enabling us all to at least look like we knew what we were doing. Thanks Bruff, we all hope the dinner and bus 69 home with the lot was worth it…?

    To The game

    A couple of new faces to the lineup, led by an injection of much needed youth in Slugger Burnell, along with an injection of the Bruffy, fresh off performing a highly publicised soixante neuf. Dropped was Brissler and The Tip Rat simply because it was felt Joel and Bruffy were better blokes.

    I have no idea who won the toss or even if there was one, but Soder decided to field as we were in no doubt that we could chase down whatever total the Idiots put together.

    The Bowling

    A very confident Soder took to the field, with Condo offering Captain Jordo a fielding suggestion but was abruptly told to fuck off, with that opening salvo out of the way, Bruffy and Slugger Burnell opened the bowling with the goal of keeping the idiots under 130

    Now from memory the bowling was pretty good but unfortunately so were the batsmen, who scored at a good clip. Once again we couldn’t get an early break through.

    Unable to get a break through with the opening bowlers, the ball was thrown to the big Yarpie who promptly pulled his own pants down to reveal South African national flag on displayed on his pole pushers and was promptly told to pull them up again or face code violation charges- 

    In he steamed! A missed catch by Bruffy on the boundary once again had us considering a substitution for big blue, but with BIG BLUES bowling demonstration still fresh in our minds we decide to persist with Bruffy. This only made the barrel chested yarpie angry and fuck me if the wickets didn’t start to tumble, with a classic catch by  Kingsley who had forgone his normal pre match 6 lines of O’Boy for a more low key approach- a great catch at a crucial moment to break the partnership- game on..

    In a classic 4 over spell Logan snared 4 for 33(could have been 5) which was much welcomed ,as at the other end condo was copping some stick being banged for around 22 of his first 2 overs and was promptly removed from the attack.

    Kingsley proceeded as he does on a night out on the tear, he caught everything that came his way and set a new standard for fielding. His bowling also proved economical 0\25 off 4

    The skipper bought himself on and picked up1\7. 

    Once again condo was thrown the ball from the other end and bowled a better line and length picking up his first wicket with a very good redemption catch to Bruffy on the boundary which then brought Big Tesdorf to the crease only to receive a large amount of verbal abuse which clearly got the better of him. Condo lengthened his run up to 12 steps and steamed him, Tessler went bang hoping for a 6 first ball only to sky a ball to the safe hands of slugger burnell. GGGOOORN A GOLDEN DUCK! condo had two in row but most importantly the prized scalp of tessler with no ink wasted in the scorebook

    On a hat trick and with a slip in place, condo steamed into the return of the retiring batsmen who promptly smashed the hat trick ball just wide of condo who dived for the catch a good 3 seconds after the ball had passed him. 2/32 returned by Condo with Slugger cleaning up the last wicket 1/24 a good return in his first game

    Idiots all out in 18.4 overs for a gettable 155

    A very good fielding performance, but the bowling at times still too short and needing to remove an opener much earlier now the key target for next game. Guru and Larry not thrown ball were heard to be plotting the removal of Captain Jordo

    Pick of the bowlers was the south african self dacker- Logan, the best return in soders history, great bowling mate…

    The Batting

    In strode a new opening combination, Kingsley fresh off 75no and Logan fresh off a self dacking looking for a steady start to the run chase ..Kingsley began where he left off with some sweet stroke play , clearly a man in form, whilst Big Logan was watchful scoring at a watching paint dry rate until his furniture got rattled 6 from 12. 

    In strode Bruffy hell bent on making amends for his kit faux paus and make amends he did , scoring a nice 18 from 15 ,before being caught behind. He and kings put together a nice partnership which had us just over the required run rate target. Well batted by big Bruff, exactly the type of innings that was missing in the last game from one of the other batsmen

    With the fall of Bruff ,last games century maker King Jordo swaggered to the crease to join his partner in crime and finish the match off for us- we on the pine sat back to relax.

    Kings did what was required hitting frequent boundaries which kept the run rate ticking over, retiring for a beautifully compiled 50 off just 28 balls- six 4s and one 6- SR 178!!

    At the change of ends we were around 90 off 10 ,50 balls to make 65 runs, Jordo at the crease, kingsley to come back in and Kungen was hence forth sent to get the barbie lighted such was our confidence.

    With Kingsley’s retirement Slugger Burnell came into bat for the first time this series with a mind set to finish the game quickly, Unfortunately an edge behind? 4 from 3 not the return he had hoped for. At this stage things were tightening up and with Jordos stroke play looking a little more stifled than last game and Guru joining him at the crease the boys on the pine started to sink piss in nervous anticipation.

    Jordo made it to 31 from 19 before a controversial LBW decision  (clearly too high) saw him depart bringing Condo to the crease. A watchful innings from Jordo which still saw his SR at 163.. not bad for a quieter day!!

    Now at this stage the top order had left Guru, condo, and Larry with 45 to make off 20- somewhere along the line the run rate had been forgotten.

    It has to be said Guru looked in good knick middling the ball and picking up 1s and 2s but it wasn’t going to be enough. Condo communicated to Guru that Kingsley was required back in and Guru should get himself out. Guru replied to this suggestion by running Condo out. 7 from 7 for condo who needs to get moving with his batting.

    Condo’s demise saw Larry Pascoe enter the fray. Unfortunately, Larry was unable to get bat to ball with some good smart bowling by the village idiots, keeping him on strike and with the clear goal of not allowing run scoring machine kingsley back in. 

    This act of bastardry (clearly tactics Soder need to learn) saw us run out of balls with wickets in hand going down by 18 runs 

    To his credit Larry remained 11 no out off 14 and to his greater credit exacted revenge for condo running Guru out for a steady but slow 7 from 11.  

    Pick of the Batsmen- R Kingsley- another great performance mixed with stylish stroke play and big hitting- great work!!

    The Aftermath

    All in all an improved fielding performance, an ok bowling performance which needs to be tighter and a slow as shit batting performance , a winnable game ruined by poor batting tactics and a lack of BBQ utensils and fire lighting equipment for a clearly enraged Kungen on the BBQ, who was heard to announce Jordos likely death for his complete disregard for how a BBQ needed to run and that he was now ducking off to lay a dugite in the forest before he was seen returning to turn the sausages with his fingers!!

    0 wins from 2 games an awful start after a much-hyped pre season. A win needed in game 3 or heads will roll with big blue waiting in the wings……could it get any worse?

    Soder man of the match- a tie between logan 4 for 33 and kingsley who’s fielding batting and tight bowling performance ensured he could not be left out…

    Great BBQ- well done Kungen and Jordo and great after match piss up…

    Looking forward to game 3!


    Whispering Death

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